HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
