Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
