What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
