It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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