she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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