i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize