I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
