If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
