I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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