OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
