I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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