so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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