I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
