Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize