I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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