I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
