Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
