I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
