His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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