My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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