I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
