So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
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It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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