smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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