the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
