Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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