ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
