He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
