remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
