remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
