Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
