Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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