Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
