so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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