His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
