He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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