Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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