You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
