I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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