There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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