cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
