i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
