is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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