I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize