im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
