census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
