he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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