Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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