This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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