Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
