I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
