a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
