I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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