I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.