Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
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apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star