Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh