Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver