i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
