i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
