bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
