The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
