Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
