Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
