I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
