We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He passed out mid-signature
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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