I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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