I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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