I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
